R. J. Hoffman

i will review this later today for you shot gun. i am at school and study hall is about to i dont have time to read. if the review isnt ...

yeah uh i was kind of indifferent, you did not make me really carre or understand the emotions or thoughts of vlora. you also might want to make her a ...

i agree with squalz. you need a whole bunch more emotion. wouldnt arya be really pissed off that a bunch of wolves just knocked out who i assume to be ...

i agree with over easy in a way. it is easy to picture the actions, but not the characters. What does the fairy look like? is she a tinkerbell sorta ...

for part one, your line "he always found the thought of it sickened him. He walked away with a sick feeling at the bottom of his stomach." this part is ...

pretty good. still... more description is needed. are the bars metal? or are they high strength composit plastic? what do some of the mutated humans look like? do they have ...

good but thier are some points i wasnt happy with. personally i would name the goddes. it adds originality as the concept of a god being called god has already ...

interesting, but has room for improvement. I believe you need to describe the characters more. is old man wrinkle? is he black, white, purple? there is also a time confliction ...

I was very disapointed in this piece. there is practically no description. does he live in an apartment? a house? is he in the city or country? the actions are ...

Very open ended, you could take this anumber of ways. You should improve the description of the pole though. Maybe smooth it out some, its a bit like a shopping ...

i dont want to discourage you but you need alot more description. what does the nieghborhood look like? What is the weather? is the sky red because of a high ...

Pretty cool right here, im guessing that you watch the military channel like me. Finally some one understands the importance of strategy in a battle. though i greatly enjoyed this ...

i dont do editing for on with my thoughts. i liked the description, but what would be really cool would be if you could kind of smooth it out so ...

Im not one of those people who go around editing for people. and i sometimes piss people off because i am so candid about what i think, no offense. okay ...

Pretty good, i like how you forshadowed about the future slaughter. over all i think you only need to improve in a couple ways. You should give more clues as ...